All My Friends are Having Baby's.....Wah!

All my friends are having baby's..........Wah!

Miss E is 20 months tomorrow. She's been sleeping well for the last week (that means 7ish pm to 5is am) and that means I'm forgetting the hard bits of the first year and remembering how gorgeous Miss E was and how precious she was when she was just born.

It's not helping me that I own a baby and kids clothing boutique. Every day I see newborns and baby's, pregnant women and gushing first time grandmothers telling me their daughter has just fallen pregnant and they just want to have a look. It doesn't help that every day I unpack, price and display beautiful, gorgeous, exquisite baby clothing and accessories that I wish I had someone to put them in. It seriously doesn't help that my Hubby is dead against having another baby.

For as long as I can remember I wanted kids. I always thought I'd be a young Mum with three kids by the time I was thirty. I didn't get married till I was 27 and by the time I was 30 we'd already done two years of IVF and I'd suffered a miscarriage on the one time we'd managed to get pregnant. By the age of 32 my ex-husband and I had spent over $20,000 on IVF, survived two miscarriages and then he ran off with another woman. Miscarriage, grief and money problems do terrible things to a man and although I'm not excusing what he did, I no longer hold bad feelings for him.

I met my now husband a year after I separated from my ex. He was here on holidays from Ireland and the attraction was instant for both of us (although he'll say he just liked my car). He had come out of a relationship 5 years earlier and he had two kids back in Ireland that he hardly saw (fathers don't have the same rights there as they do here). It was complicated and difficult but we were so in love. He was done having kids and I thought I wasn't capable of going full term so in a way I thought a man with existing children could somehow fill a void.

We married 6 months after we met. Admittedly he never asked me to marry him, we both wouldn't have gotten married at all if we didn't have to. It was the only way to stay together and I guess that was the most important thing, we wanted to be together.

Three months after we got married I fell pregnant. It wasn't exactly planned, we just didn't take any precautions and left it up to the Gods. I remember seeing those two pink lines on the stick and I began shaking thinking this can't be true. I remember telling hubby when he got home from work and seeing both fear and excitement on his face.

I understand his fear. He has two beautiful children that he's been forced to let go of on the opposite side of the world and the fear of having another child and the relationship failing was almost too much to bare.

The pregnancy was awful to say the least. Within weeks of finding out I was pregnant the morning noon and night sickness began. I remember getting up at 3am for a boak and in the first trimester I lost 7kg.

At 32 weeks and 3 days after my baby shower I went into pre-term labour. It was one of the most scariest nights of my life. I was lucky enough to not have dilated at all and that basically kept baby in place. Lots of drugs and relaxation meant the labour stopped but I was kept in hospital until I reached 36 weeks. My blood pressure was dangerously low and i have a heart condition so I was constantly monitored. I had to beg the doctor at 34 weeks just to be allowed to have a walk around the hall of the maternity ward.

At 36 weeks I was finally allowed out of hospital and we had to move house (yes you read that right). It's a long story but basically our landlords decided to move back into their house right when we were due to have our baby. Anyway 3 days after we moved I went into labour. Off to the hospital we went on June 29th and I thought for sure this was it.

30 hours of labour later and I was only half a centimetre dilated. The fetal heart rate was dropping and she'd done her meconium and was in distress. The decision was made to do and emergency C-Section.

15 Minutes later and I was on the operating table. They pulled her out of me and there was no crying, no noise and everyone all of a sudden got very busy. I was told i had a girl. They rushed her to a table nearby and I remember seeing a blur of doctors and nurses around her. I told Hubby to stay with her no matter what, don't worry about me, just don't leave her alone. He watched on as they tried to breath life into this limp blue baby.

It seemed like and eternity waiting for something. I didn't even realise I was hemorrhaging and they were trying to fix me at the same time. Finally I heard a whimper, not a good cry but she was alive and breathing. They brought her to me for a few seconds to see, she looked like she was sleeping. But she was alive and we did it. We got through the pregnancy and the birth.

I went to recovery after they put me back together, but then I was sick, kept fainting and bleeding and so it was about five hours before they took me to Newborn Care and I finally got to meet my Emily.

Looking back it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to face. There are tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat as I type this because one, I know I'll never have to go through it again, and two, because I know I never could.

Six years ago I prayed. I said "if your there God, please just one, give me just one baby and I'll never ask for another". I don't know if "God" is real but I do know that I am blessed to have my one and only little girl.

A Girl Needs Her Mummy - Even in Her 30's

Today was day two at the new Day Care centre. It is seriously amazing how much better I already feel about them looking after Miss E. OK so this morning wasn't the best drop I've ever done but at least when I picked her up this afternoon I got information I needed to help me cope with her when I got home.

Case in point..... Miss E only slept for 50 minutes today because she has a cough and it woke her up. As a result of not getting enough sleep she was grizzly and wanted lots of comforting this afternoon and because this centre had more staff than the government requires it means she actually got cuddles. In fact she was getting them when i turned up at 5pm to pick her up.

When I dropped Miss E off this morning she was distressed to say the least. She had her arms and legs wrapped firmly around me and was not letting go. I love that the girls help with things like this. I handed her over feeling guilty as hell that I was leaving her like this. I quickly escaped the center and jumped in the car. Breathing heavy and trying to hold back the tears i must have sat outside for at least a couple of minutes. The Director came running out and tapped on my window and told me not to worry, she had already calmed down and they were about to do some dancing which is one of her favourite things.

At the old centre none if this sort of thing happened. There was no information at the end of the day so you go home wondering why your child is clingy and cranky and climbing the walls. If there's a bump or bruise you have to ask, not be told or called and incident reports were always late.

My parents also returned from their holiday in NZ today. I can't believe I'm in my 30's and need them this much but I was so relieved they came home today. Miss E is spending all day with her "Mama" tomorrow and she's already excited. It's a relief for me too as I had no casual to work in the shop tomorrow and no childcare available.

Amazing also that all my anxiety over what was happening with the shop when we go to Ireland was releived by Mum offering to work there while I'm away so I don't have to pay wages (that i can't yet afford). Dad said he'd come in one night and put up the new fittings that I've had trouble getting to and i booked someone to train with me on Friday so I can have a regular Wednesday girl and not worry about Miss E being away from me 5 days a week again.

I know I'm in a blessed situation with my family support and not everyone has it like I do. So I thank the Gods, stars and higher beings for giving me this opportunity and now I just hope I can make them proud by making my business a big success.

Planes, Trains and Kids In Style

Friday morning I flew to Sydney for the Kids In Style expo. If you've never heard of it, imagine all the new and existing fashion labels, accessories, toys and loads more for kids under one roof. Retailers and industry folk go to look at what's coming up, find new and interesting products for their shops, pick up samples and order for next season.

So I thought I'd share a few pics of the trade fair so you can get an insiders view to the industry:

The entrance to Kids In Style

Skeanie and Uh-Oh! in the left corner had some amazing new styles

The board with the list of exhibitors.....totally mind boggling!

How cute are these dinasour badges for boys!

Colored jeans have made a come-back and these are sized 00. So cute!

I saw so many great products and kids clothing ranges and met some wonderful and talented designers. I've spent the last 24 hours going through the massive bag of price lists, catalogues and samples I bought home and I have to admit this has got to be the most fun part of my job. The hard part will be not buying everything and making sure what I do get fills a gap and compliments the rest of the shop.

I spent quite a lot of time talking to Natasha who owns Skeanie and Uh-Oh! It seems we have quite a bit in common having both previously worked in recruitment and both moving from Sydney to the country. We also both decided to start our own businesses once we had our first child and Natasha has done a brilliant job with hers. She's definitely someone I admire.

Anyway, best get Miss E's bag ready for her first day at the new daycare centre tomorrow. It's looking to be a huge day of pricing, hanging and new window display at the shop as well as trying to ensure Miss E transitions well to the new center. But this is the life of a Mum running her own business........

The Follow Up

Well I wish I could say today went well but I was left feeling so frustrated. You see having your own business and raising a child comes at a price. Had I had the choice I would have pulled Miss E out of daycare today but I can't just close the shop or I loose customers and I'm still trying to build my business. My husband works in health care and he was flat out all day, but managed to pick her up a bit earlier than usual.

At least I can be happy that her two usual carers were back today and she seemed to be happy when we picked up and there were no further scratches or incidents.

What I was so frustrated at was the Director of the centre calling me to explain what happened. She said she had conflicting stories from the casuals and permanent staff that were on yesterday, that it appears there were two separate incidents resulting in the injuries and that the casual looking after Miss E couldn't write well enough to fill out an incident report form on her own so she was waiting to fill it out with one of the permanent staff.

Infuriating! I lost it. And I have to say I think I did well to not swear once.

I told her that the center was her responsibility and the quality of care given at the centre fell directly on her shoulders. It was her job to ensure policies and procedures are being followed, to hire qualified staff and make sure carer to child ratios are adhered to. I told her that after five separate incidents where procedures weren't followed, ratio's weren't adhered to and my child was injured in all of these, she was clearly not doing her job properly. She muttered something about continuing her investigation and hung up.

I rang DOCS and waited on hold for 45 minutes before hanging up because I had customers. No wonder so many child abuse cases don't get reported.

I called the Head Office of the center in Sydney and was put on hold before getting a recorded message asking me to leave my name, number and center I was calling about and they would call me back.

I called my hubby who said he would go get her and see if he can take her to work for a while tomorrow and do some work from home so she didn't have to go back.

Tomorrow I go to Sydney for my first ever kids fashion trade show. I've been looking forward to it since halfway through last year. I'm so frustrated with Miss E's childcare that instead of thinking about all the things I need to do tomorrow I became consumed with the childcare issue.

How hubby makes sure our baby is being well looked after........

This is what I know. Tomorrow she'll be fine because she'll either be with her Daddy or with her usual carer and the Director is probably shitting (oops) her pants by now so they won't want to make another error like Wednesday. Next week she does orientation at her new daycare and I hope she'll love it there.

Tomorrow I'm off to Sydney and I've booked an apartment in the city with a spa and I intend to make good use of the relaxation and good nights sleep I'll get.

Tonight I better get my butt in bed..........

A Very Angry Mum!

Tonight I'm seething! I picked up Miss E from childcare today and her face was grazed, small cut above her right eye, bruising and both knees grazed. Now I know accidents happen, toddlers run and fall, but no one can actually tell me what happened ad there was no incident report for me to sign. To top it off it's clearly a head injury and regardless of how minor it is, legally they are required to call me and report it.

About two months after we put Miss E into this childcare center I began to think it wasn't the best place. I don't know why, maybe it was other Mums telling me of the problems they were having, maybe it was the center director running around like she had ADD and making all her employees nervous wrecks, maybe it was because aftyer 2 months Miss E still cried and clung to me every time i tried to drop and run.

Childcare spaces are limited in my town so I put her on a waiting list for one a block from the shop and on meeting with the director and doing a tour, one I felt immediately comfortable with.

We have had several incidents in the past 3 months with our current provider. Actually I can count them, five to be exact. In each occurrence the she had scratches, cuts, bruising or head injuries severe enough to contact me however the call wasn't made. In each case the incident report couldn't be provided at the time because the casual who was supervising the children had gone home and didn't fill it out. Each time I could seriously question the amount of supervision given because of things like Miss E was eating strawberries from the garden and no one realised till they saw the white shirt she was wearing had red juice down the front. Come on!

So this is my baby after I picked her up today. She was very grumpy and the bottle was the only way to keep her settled. It's a pretty bad photo and you can't see the grazing that well. It's not even the severity of the injury, it's the balls they have in blatantly breaking policy and the law!

Anyway, I'm happy to say we've been accepted to the new childcare center and she starts next Friday. Tomorrow morning I am definitely going to make a huge complaint to the director, and then I'm making a complaint to the Departments of Community Services. Five times in three months is way too much.

Have you ever experienced anything like this and what did you do about it?

Little Me Market

Very soon we have a new handmade market coming up in Wodonga called the Little Me Markets. It specialises in baby and children's handmade items and I'm determined to make something worthy of it.

My idea is simple. A bag. A library/childcare/swim/wet bag to be exact. I've ordered a heap of fabric on line because nobody likes to see fabrics they can buy at Spotlight.

Last night I began making my prototype with a cheap fabric I had lying around the house.

I started with a bag 30x40cm and my intention was to sew a clear plastic window on the front that you can slide a card or piece of paper into to write the child's name, class and school on. The plastic PVC was too thick and my sewing machine just pulled it along and wouldn't sew it to the fabric. The bag was also too small to be a decent library bag. Kids picture books can be big and i wanted a bag big enough to fit a towel if used for swimming classes.

This was my second attempt tonight and I purchase thinner PVC earlier today hoping I would be able to sew it on. I ended up hand blanket stitching it and I'm still not happy with the finial outcome. Whilst the rest of the bag is great, the plastic window looks shonky and hand stitching it means I can't turn out 20 or so bags by market time as it'll take too long.

So back to the drawing board and I'll have a third attempt tomorrow night.

One success of the night's crafting was my stand for the new boys accessories range I have at the shop. They're fabric covered magnets and badges and they look very cool. Apparently boys love these. I grew up in a house of girls so I'm taking Mum's with sons word for it!

The stand was originally a slate grey color so I covered it in white fabric and the two ribbons were hot glued to the top and bottom of the stand so I can attach the badges to them. I can't wait to put all the magnets and accessories on it tomorrow and see how it looks.

Finally this is my little munchkin this morning pretending to blog while we watched retro mummy on Channel 9.

I love that she's my walking advertisment for the shop in her Gaia Organic Cotton Tee and Leggins and her Walnut Melbourne Mary Jane shoes.

Dolly

So yesterday, since hubby was in Sydney on a "boys weekend" Miss E and I decided to do a little shopping. We were looking for a baby dolly as she's taken to playing with them at childcare (they play doctors and nurses hmmmmm). Now I don't know if you've been dolly shopping lately but on entering our local toy shop I was expecting to be hit with a wall of dolls to choose from. Not the case at all!

We had four choices.....

Lalaloopsy......a little too Coraline and unsafe for a 19 month old.

The Cabbage Patch Kid......They wanted about $80 for this ugly thing and it's half the size of the ones I had as a kid that cost $30!

Another ridiculously priced doll, hard plastic and not very baby-like.

I was getting really frustrated. What ever happened to a plain old plastic doll that looks like a baby?

We ended up with this one for $29.95 which we bought in the toy department at Myer.

Meet "Baby" or "Abbey" depending on what Miss E feels like calling it at the time. Since joining our family "Baby" has enjoyed several bottles, constant putting on and off of clothing, a few flights through the air, lots of kisses and some play dough meals. 

Hubby came home early this morning and we've spent the day enjoying each others company. This week will hopefully be a bit easier since we're all here until I go off to Sydney for the Kids in Style Expo. I'm so looking forward to it. Imagine every kids clothing label all under one roof showing off their wares for the following season! Hopefully it will give me lots to blog about.

Social Media Bullshit

Recently I held a competition on my Facebook page to get to 250 likers. I don't know why I put so much emphasis on getting so many likers.

I posted and promoted and shared and did liking ladders all to get to this magical number of 250. I had a giveaway of a $50 gift voucher and customised handmade tee by A Dor able. But why?

New likers, or any likers for that matter does not mean I have 250 customers who are buying from my kids clothing on-line shop. It doesn't even mean 250 people like my shop. It means a certain number of people just liked my page to win a gift voucher and when I announced the winner my number of likers magically went back down.

Ms J from the cafe around the corner popped in to say hello on Friday. She told me she went out the night before and ran into a woman she hadn't hung out with for 15 years and hadn't even seen for 5 years. This woman had sent a friend request to her on Facebook. Ms J felt obliged to accept the request but recently culled her friends list to only include people she actually talks to and family members. The woman wanted to know why Miss J deleted her as a friend and was very upset (some might say aggressive) about the fact that Miss J had deleted her.

My point is.....do we place too much emphasis on social media? I mean, I follow a lot of blogs, I write a blog, I Facebook, I Twitter. How many people do I actually talk to? Apart from face to face customers, probably not that many.

In some ways Facebook has helped me reconnect to a lot of people I haven't seen in a long time and some of them have become close friends again. On the other hand I have at least 100 "friends" that I have blocked posts, don't see or speak to, don't actually like and probably don't really like me. So why are we friends?

My sisters and I never really called each other much. We never needed to, we always just pick up where we left off. Now that we are all connected on Facebook we chat, post photo's of our kids, email and see each other even more. Why couldn't we do that without Facebook?

I don't have answers to my questions. I don't even have an ending to this post. Social Media can be bullshit and it can also be a great way to feel a little less alone in a huge world.

The Turnaround

OK so I've been pretty irate with hubby lately. I mean, he's been off on a "work conference" at some five star luxury resort while I've been dealing with the toddler from hell who doesn't let me sleep. However today I have to say I'm pretty impressed with him.

Yesterday was Valentines Day and I expected maybe a single rose or a half arsed "Happy Valentines Day" when he dragged himself in the door at 9pm. Instead I received these at 10am at the shop.....

Not bad for a man who says he's not romantic!

Tonight I went for a walk for the first time in weeks thanks to hubby putting Miss E to bed. He texted me half an hour after I left saying she had fallen asleep and enjoy my walk. How the hell did he do that???? I have been trying to get her to sleep before 9pm almost every night for three weeks now.

Lastly he booked and paid for our tickets to Ireland so we're now definitely going. I'm so excited! We got our passport photo's done on the weekend and that was almost as difficult as getting Miss E to sleep at night. She didn't even want the lollies offered to her (secretly thinking 'good girl') as bribery to sit on the stool. In the end the photo was taken while I was holding her and she is actually looking over my shoulder at hubby. You would never know though would you.

That's it for me tonight. I'm exhausted and need sleep......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

How Was Your Day Dear?

I'm single parenting at the moment as hubby is on "a business" trip. This business trip happens to be in Coffs Harbour in a 5 star luxury resort and his room, with it's king size bed and spa, overlooks the ocean. He tells me tonight that he spent a hard morning brainstorming in an IT workshop, then spent the afternoon in the pool and got sunburnt.

I on the other hand was woken at 6am by our screaming toddler, who by the way didn't go to bed until 10pm last night! My morning shower was taken whilst Miss E had her face pressed up against it crying "Daddy" and staring at me like I could magically produce him. After getting us both dressed and breakfast, cleaning the house, doing the dishes and putting on a load of washing I had to answer a phone call from hubby just as I was about to race out the door. Apparently it's not nice to just hang up on someone who tells you they just woke up (it was 8:30am) and what a glorious sleep he had. Really? Do I GAF???

Dropping Miss E off at daycare I politely ask if they can please make sure she wakes up at 1:30pm as she hasn't been going to sleep at night and I want to tire her out so she'll go straight to bed tonight. This is followed by a lecture from the childcare worker advising me I enable her too much by giving her too many cuddles and I should just let her cry it out. She tells me they have no trouble getting her to sleep during the day. Well that's just great!

I get to work and my back room looks like a nuclear stock explosion. There is literally no room to move and so after spending the first hour rearranging I finally am able to make my way to the kitchen where I find a mouse has accidentally got caught in the trap my Dad set behind the fridge 6 months ago. I feel sorry for him. I also feel disgusted and dry retch as I pick up the trap and throw the entire thing in the bin. I'll just buy a new one, it's too much to ask me to get the thing out of there!

I go to put pictures of my new Gaia Organic Cotton Winter 2012 collection on my website and realise that my computer just wiped the shop copy of the stock images. Aaaarrrggghhh!!! Another job I'm going to have to do at home on the trusty Toshiba.

Gaia Organic Cotton Winter 2012 Preview

 After this discovery I decided to have a go at doing a new window for the shop. Originally I wanted to do a Red and White theme for Valentines Day, but my new Eternal Creation range hasn't arrived yet and so I'm having to make do with Pink and Blue. I think it still turned out pretty good.

 Anyway, picked up Miss E from childcare and found they had let her sleep for over two hours today so she was not tired at all. She also had a big scratch on her face which they couldn't tell me how it happened. This is not the first time I've had these kind of issues, however luckily we are on the waiting list for our preferred childcare centre in central Albury and hopefully soon we'll have a great place where I don't have to worry.

Tonight it took until 9pm to get Miss E off to sleep. We raced around the back yard when we got home, made dinner, had a bath, watered the garden, read books and played until she was exhausted at 7pm. Then as soon as she lied down and I turned out the light the crying game started. I ignored, painted some new shop fittings, did another load of washing, took out the garbage, checked Facebook, until I heard the whiny cry change to a distressing scream so I raced back in to find her soaked in sweat and she had vomited all down the front of her PJ's.

I cleaned her up, gave her some warm milk, cuddles and kissed her and told her it would be OK, put her back in bed and held her hand until she finally drifted off to sleep.

Then hubby called........

Seriously I couldn't give a toss how wonderful your damn resort is and how you plan to take me there one day!

Apparently it's rude to hang up on someone when there telling you how wonderful their life is when your day has been so shitty.....

How was your day?

The Other Irishman

I think the movie PS I Love You has ruined it for all Irishmen. I should know. I'm married to one!

Now when I say ruined it here's what I mean. You've watched the movie right? Gerard Butler....mmmmm......that accent and that cheeky smile.........ooooooooohhhhhhhhh.

When I tell women my husband is Irish they croon "Oh I love Gerard Butler in that movie" or "he could read the phone book to me all day". Well I've got news for you.

1. Gerard Butler is not Irish

2. Not all Irishmen have that cute 'hey diddly dee' accent, some are actually from the North and their accents are vastly different (but mostly still cute although hardly represented in the movies)

3. My husband downright refuses to put on suspenders and shamrock printed boxers and give me a strip tease



In saying all that I will agree that most men I've met from Ireland have a wicked sense of humour, a certain amount of charm, and no matter how repugnant they might be they all have gorgeous eyes.

My Irishman is.....challenging. He makes me laugh, he infuriates me, he turns me on, he turns me off (usually when he farts in bed), he keeps me guessing and I love him. I knew I would love him the moment we met. He shook my hand and something instant happened. Something burned inside me that made me want to be with him every moment I could spare.

It's coming up to Valentines Day but we're on a budget to save for our big trip to Ireland in April. So here's my challenge. Get my husband (who will be returning from a long business trip that night) a Valentines present that I have either made or bought cheaply and keep in mind that I want it to rock his world.

Any ideas??

Buggered

Tonight I would love to write and interesting, uplifting and inspiring post but honestly....I'm buggered!

5 nights of  Miss E not sleeping, me getting up driving around at 3am to get here settled only to have her wake as I pull up in the driveway, then having to get up and run my business and be happy to see customers. It's all I can do to stop the tears rolling down my face right now.

I'm fortunate to have someone fantastic working for me. She's turned into a friend as well as an employee and without her this week I'd be lost (thank you JT). She's taken care of all the incoming stock, phone orders and even took some awesome photo's of shop.

These are Bungy Buddie by Squiggle Pop

We took Miss E to the ENT this morning and we were told that all was OK, she just has an ear infection that's taking a little longer than normal to clear up and she was prescribed ear drops (which hubby forgot to get on his way home grrrr!) which will, according to the doctor, be like a nuclear bomb on the infection and make it all better.

For now I am off to bed and going to get as much rest as possible before the next wave of crying and wrestling over getting painkillers into Miss E starts. I keep reminding myself.......tomorrow is a new day.

The Flip Side

What a weekend. I think I could write 10 posts with the amount of stuff that happened. But I guess I'll just write about the most significant.

My baby girl has a severe ear infection, even after getting grommets put in last November. It's heartbreaking watching her wreath in pain and I can't even brush her hair on that side of her head as it's so sore. Luckily we're off to the ENT specialist tomorrow and hopefully we can get it sorted.

A very sad little girl :-(

We've just spent the majority of the weekend in and out of doctors and the emergency department at the hospital. I am seriously lacking in sleep and as I write this I am praying she stays asleep tonight as I've just spent the last hour driving her around trying to settle her.

On the upside we received some very exciting news. We are going to Ireland in April! My husband is Irish and has been here for 3 1/2 years and is dying to get back and see his family. He's from the Northern part of Ireland and it's probably also the coldest part. 

My head is racing already. It's at least a 30 hour trip to get there and we have a toddler!

During this horrific weekend with the ear infection I've learnt that Nurofen makes Miss E drunk. She races around like a maniac falling over and giggling until eventually it all ends in tears and I'm left driving her around to get her settled. I can only imagine what Phenergen would do to her which is what hubby thinks we should stock up on before we go.

Anyway, I guess I've got lots of planning to do (which I secretly love) deciding what clothes to pack, do we take a stroller or buy one there, what do I do with the shop, etc. etc. etc. In the meantime first things first, get my baby's ears fixed!

Goodnight x

My Sensitive Soul

I've just read a post by Mrs Woog about her son and his feelings about his new class and it's made me think about my own little miss.

I was a very independent child who could always walk into a room full of strangers and just start talking away about whatever was going on in my head at the time. It got me in trouble on more than one occasion.

My little Miss E on the other hand is very different to that. She is clingy and sensitive and doesn't like disruption to her routine. She gets very attached to her carers at childcare and if a new person comes in she freaks out.

Last weekend we went to a birthday party. It was only the second one we've been too since I lost my mothers group when we moved to Albury. The party was for the three year old child of a friend of mine so when we arrived there were about 30 kids running around in the play centre. Miss E totally lost it. She clung to me like glue, arms and legs wrapped tightly around me and any attempt at putting her down resounded with "no, no, no!"

Luckily we were late and they were up to cutting the cake so while all the kids went into the food room to sing happy birthday, Miss E and I had the bouncy castle all to ourselves. At first she just stood on it looking scared while I made a complete fool of myself leaning onto it (because the age limit is 8) and saying "Oooohhh, aaaahhhh, c'mon jump!" and holding her hands attempting to get her to jump. After a couple of minutes she moved, then tried to jump, then giggled, jumped again and before you knew it she was having a great time.

The other kids came out of the food room one by one after about half an hour so by then we had moved to the slippery slide and she was pretty calm. About 10 minutes before the party ended Miss E decided it was safe to play with the other kids.

I know now that I should get to a party early so Miss E has time to gradually get used to the kids arriving and is not overwhelmed by huge crowds. I also know I may have to ease her into playing with others and be aware when things might change to help her adjust.

Parenting is definitely challenging. I have very little patience and Miss E challenges that every day. Maybe that's why we were put together. She teaches me to be patient and I teach her confidence.

By the way Mrs Woog from Woogsworld is up for a Bloggie. I think she's awesome and if you agree you should definitely vote for her at http://2012.bloggi.es/

In The Fast Lane

My little girl is growing up too fast! A couple of weeks ago she decided it was time for toilet training. She didn't bother consulting me, just pulled her pants down, sat on the toilet and did a wee.

Tonight at 19 months Miss E decided she wanted to put her pyjamas on herself. If I tried to help she would push me away and wine "nooooo!" So I let her be and she proceeded to put on her pyjama's without taking off her childcare clothes and putting the shorts on her head and one arm through the neck of the top. "Tada!" she squealed and clapped her hands excitedly. I was very proud of her.

Working whilst having a toddler is emotionally hard. I want to catch every first time, every moment and I worry constantly that I'm missing the most important things in her life. I'm not of course and I know I have to work to support her and create a bright future for her. But sometimes I just wish I lived in the old days where women stayed home and were just housewives. Life seemed simpler then.

Today when I dropped Miss E off at childcare I was asked to wait as her main carer wanted to speak to me. Seven of the toddlers in her room had moved up to the senior toddler room (2-3yo) and her carer had spent yesterday helping them transition.

I honestly thought Miss E must have done something wrong and I was going to be spoken to about how she's obsessed with opening and closing doors or putting things in toilets. Instead I was told that she spent yesterday with the big kids (she's a bit attached to her carer and wouldn't stay in her room without her) and apparently she integrated really well. She used the big kids toilet, ate with them and played with them. She even tried to talk to them. I stood there gobsmacked but so, so proud.

It's bittersweet proud. On one hand I can't believe how advanced she is. On the other hand I'm scared she is advancing too fast and before I know it I'll have a teenager on my hands and will have totally missed the baby years.

Luckily she still refuses to give up that dummy and bottle so I guess even with training pants I can still say she's my baby.