This morning was the first time in years that I haven't wanted to get out of bed. I'm tired but I can't sleep. I'm shaky and teary and it feels bloody awful.
I've tried to concentrate on work today but I can't seem to still my mind. Too many thoughts are racing around. I'm thinking about Emily and how she's doing, my plans for the shop, whether I'll ever sort things out with my husband, will he ever feel better, will I ever forgive him, can I do the next market, will I be able to hold it all together?
It's all too much. I need to be still. I need to just be for a bit. I need the mundane, the boring, the norm, just for a little while.
I probably need some extensive therapy but a single Mums pension doesn't allow for that. Instead I have wonderful friends and family who come to see me, send me text messages and call me on a daily basis to make sure I am OK. They offer support, advice when i want it and today a thoughtful friend convinced me to close the shop for an hour, take some time out and enjoy some lunch together. Just two girls, some good food and a glass of wine. Just what the doctor ordered.....